Thank you for this, Ryan. Still unbelievable to me how many stories there are like yours. My wife’s pastor-boss said she should quit because they didn’t work well together. Why did he think they didn’t work well together? Because she disagreed with him re: handling cases of abuse. When she didn’t quit, the elder board unanimously voted to fire her. #ChristianFired indeed. Thank you for your witness of enduring faith and hope and love for our Good Shepherd and his sheep. Wonderfully written.
It’s wild how the “we’re the only ones doing this church thing ‘right’” idea pervades across all of these cultures. I’ve become convinced that it’s one of the most consistent red flags in covert narcissistic religious systems. Thank you for sharing more of your story and I’m so sorry for all that you and KJ have experienced. Keeping hope with you.
I read in a IG post from Harvard Business Review about a practice called “quiet firing” which is a bit like constructive dismissal, but not actionable. I think that was what happens to me in my lay ministry training. My own voice was silenced and I was expected to speak words that were not mine, and doing to felt faintly “dirty”. I could not stay in ministry with integrity, and if I stayed in the church it would communicate my alignment with the leader who “cancelled” me.
I left the church altogether, without making a fuss, because I didn’t want to do any damage or be seen as merely bitter. (I am still struggling with bitterness, as while I have found my voice, I have lost any platform for sharing it.)
Thank you for your faithfulness in this "lamentable cul-de-sac." Thank you for making a space for not having all the answers, for slow healing, for belonging. In this place where there is no vocation or title, your ministry has touched lives more than you know.
That phrase, “Christian fired” happens in faith-based nonprofits too. Similar unhealthy leadership dynamics. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I was struck by what you said at the end about how the seminary told you that you were called to be a pastor. The local seminary where I live seems very focused on building their MDiv pastoral track program, like the other degree programs are less important alternatives. It’s not great to push people to be pastors and I’m sad to hear this is happening.
Thank you for this, Ryan. Still unbelievable to me how many stories there are like yours. My wife’s pastor-boss said she should quit because they didn’t work well together. Why did he think they didn’t work well together? Because she disagreed with him re: handling cases of abuse. When she didn’t quit, the elder board unanimously voted to fire her. #ChristianFired indeed. Thank you for your witness of enduring faith and hope and love for our Good Shepherd and his sheep. Wonderfully written.
“I am heartened by the growing community of saints seeking to reimagine faith divorced from empire.” YES. This. Me too.
Amen. "Continue to align myself around hope" is a beautiful phrase.
It’s wild how the “we’re the only ones doing this church thing ‘right’” idea pervades across all of these cultures. I’ve become convinced that it’s one of the most consistent red flags in covert narcissistic religious systems. Thank you for sharing more of your story and I’m so sorry for all that you and KJ have experienced. Keeping hope with you.
I read in a IG post from Harvard Business Review about a practice called “quiet firing” which is a bit like constructive dismissal, but not actionable. I think that was what happens to me in my lay ministry training. My own voice was silenced and I was expected to speak words that were not mine, and doing to felt faintly “dirty”. I could not stay in ministry with integrity, and if I stayed in the church it would communicate my alignment with the leader who “cancelled” me.
I left the church altogether, without making a fuss, because I didn’t want to do any damage or be seen as merely bitter. (I am still struggling with bitterness, as while I have found my voice, I have lost any platform for sharing it.)
This story hurts my heart. I'm glad you are telling your story, though. It needs to be heard and known.
Thank you for your faithfulness in this "lamentable cul-de-sac." Thank you for making a space for not having all the answers, for slow healing, for belonging. In this place where there is no vocation or title, your ministry has touched lives more than you know.
That phrase, “Christian fired” happens in faith-based nonprofits too. Similar unhealthy leadership dynamics. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I was struck by what you said at the end about how the seminary told you that you were called to be a pastor. The local seminary where I live seems very focused on building their MDiv pastoral track program, like the other degree programs are less important alternatives. It’s not great to push people to be pastors and I’m sad to hear this is happening.
Just appreciating this sharing, and resonating too.
So, so good my friend.