This so so good. You put into words something I’ve felt so keenly. Even more progressive churches I’ve been in still feel surface level. There’s learning and service and community, but not inner work. At least not to the level I crave as a therapist.
Love this! I’ve described the motivation of my former vicar as being like Moana’s dad: people can drown in the oceans so let’s all stay in the shallow waters in the bay behind the reef because the ocean is too dangerous. But the solutions to the decay that is affecting them is only to be found beyond the reef by travelling the ocean.
I sent this post to my husband and several other close friends. As someone who has always chafed against the small-talk, surface-level, trite-answer, knowledge-focused interactions at church / small group / home group because I want authenticity! real talk! etc., this made me feel like a sane person in a crazy world for a minute.
Just came across your post courtesy of Christy Lynne Wood and I'm so glad I did. As a CPE Supervisor and seminary DMin professor, I am often shocked by the dismissal from clergy around spirituality and mental health. Also, when I put a book on the Enneagram on my syllabus I was accused of witchcraft! What is even sadder is the stories I hear from patients at the hospital who have suffered greatly at the hands of religious institutions. Thanks for lifting up this important truth!
Thanks for naming this. The church functions too often as a place for "healing laundering"—where people who refuse the call to curiosity and healing for their souls self-medicate with spiritual bypassing and recognition for playing the game within the system.
it starts in bible colleges snd seminary where interior work is not valued. seen pastors that in my corporate job would have never flown by HR for their clear lack of self awareness, oversized egos, and little respect for others.
I grew up in a religious community fixated on external conformity. As a young adult I jumped through religious education hoops in preparation for ministry. I was fortunate to land in a new church in a new town that seemed more liberated. We attended there for 30 years and I was on staff for the last half of that time. But eventually as I dealt with my inner shit, through various means (12 step & enneagram to name 2) that did not receive endorsement from leadership, I realized they were just fixated on different systems (like bypass) to avoid inner work. I was told the enneagram is from the devil. Finding the kind of faith community that embraces the uncertainty of dealing with life in the “oceans” has proved difficult.
Oh, this makes SO much sense. I particularly appreciated the contrasts between ocean and land that you talk about. Our church's focus this fall is on "water," so this really spoke to me.
This is so good and so helpful. A priest once told me that the most psychologically unhealthy people can be found at church. You have hit the proverbial nail on the head. Thank you.
Oh my...you and I are going to get on like a house on fire. I've spent the last 10 years deep diving stuff like this and the last year Substacking it together. Love it.
I really appreciate this reminder of the ocean as a symbol of our interior lives. That is a great additional layer to one of my favorite symbolic portrayals of pastoral reformation, John 21:7– “When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tied his outer clothing around him (for he had taken it off) and plunged into the sea.” I may have shared this before, but I love the parallel with your Substack title and the fact that Peter throwing himself into the sea is an allusion to (among other things) Jonah being thrown into the sea. I’ve never thought of that in terms of Peter throwing himself into deeper awareness of his own internal world. As a counselor to pastors, I’m thankful many pastors are doing that work; but it’s not the norm, at least in my cerebral Presbyterian tradition.
I’ve been talking a lot with my spouse about “cerebral faith traditions” and how hard it is to feel valuable in those spaces as a more visceral faith person. Very interesting how academics/seminary has been tied to godliness/ability to preach a Word from God. And it filters down through the congregation as well, the ideology that the well educated are the leaders. Yet academics alone certainly cannot heal and shift our inner workings and thoughts that need refining.
I’m sorry you haven’t experienced belonging as someone with more visceral faith. It seems that the temptation to value the head above the heart is an ancient one: “If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:2).
Thank you for this post. This surface level faith can wear you down after a while when you long to go deeper. You start to get tired of the forms and practices, shallow engagement with others who are there for ‘church’ but not there to go deeper… Doing life, looking into peoples eyes getting to know someone else because they exist and for real fellowship. It’s hard to be faithful to that kind of environment when you aren’t being fed what your soul is really hungry for.
We landed briefly at a church where the people are friendly, sincere, and the pastor articulate. And I said after two years that we needed to leave.
Every Sunday's opening prayer asked for help "setting aside our burdens as we worship you" or "so we can worship you."
Well, when the burden is inside of me, within me, part of me, I cannot set that part of me off to the side. Jesus calls *all* of me into relationship with him.
Our biggest {and by implication, only real, true, most important} problem was already solved (sin, our standing before God), so we didn't need to worry or concern ourselves {much} for any others except witnessing this to our family and neighbors. Again, it was a very nice place. And yet not really a good one. For us anyway.
Every Sunday was agonizing.
Thankfully we are now in a church where, when I ventured to tell the pastor that therapy was helping me to be able to display the fruit of the Spirit more than any Bible verses or prayers had been able to do during this particular time in my life, he said simply, "well, we *are* whole people." I felt supported and understood.
Thank you. You've helped me realise that I can worship Jesus with my burdens and do so in a way that brings me closer to God. It now seems strange to push aside a part of me that is hurting when I could probably get more relief and healing for not pushing them aside! Christian leaders can say some odd things sometimes that seemingly sound good but actually take us away from truth, healing, wholeness.
The way I have encountered and experienced God most deeply has been in healing from trauma but that inner work is sadly not a priority in many churches I have attended. The focus on behavior is something Jesus called the Pharisees out on, and I think so many people are whitewashed tombs. And it’s actually heartbreaking because there’s so much buried pain that could be a place of intimacy with the Lord and ultimately a place of redemptive hope. I will say that I have also experienced God’s heart through His people who have done that work and know who He is and how to love well. Loving well is delighting in the unique way He wired each of us and not shaming the struggle, but supporting others as they find freedom. He doesn’t want us to be clones but fully alive. Anyway, just processing my journey. Thanks for writing about spiritual abuse and unhealth in the church and putting words to what people are experiencing so they don’t feel crazy.
Is my faith or spirituality a reason not do personal and character development work?
I love this article and what it tries to capture. It reminded me of Peter Scazzero’s story so honestly captured in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Peter was leading a church of 5000 strong and only came to a ‘standstill’ to look at his own character and acknowledge the need for deep personal reflection work, when his wife said to him “I am not leaving you, but I am leaving your church!”.
This so so good. You put into words something I’ve felt so keenly. Even more progressive churches I’ve been in still feel surface level. There’s learning and service and community, but not inner work. At least not to the level I crave as a therapist.
Love this! I’ve described the motivation of my former vicar as being like Moana’s dad: people can drown in the oceans so let’s all stay in the shallow waters in the bay behind the reef because the ocean is too dangerous. But the solutions to the decay that is affecting them is only to be found beyond the reef by travelling the ocean.
Wow. I don't know the reference to Moana. The analogy is so spot on.
Honestly, it is worth watching even without kids; it has so much to think about, all gently hidden within a funny and entertaining kids film.
I sent this post to my husband and several other close friends. As someone who has always chafed against the small-talk, surface-level, trite-answer, knowledge-focused interactions at church / small group / home group because I want authenticity! real talk! etc., this made me feel like a sane person in a crazy world for a minute.
Just came across your post courtesy of Christy Lynne Wood and I'm so glad I did. As a CPE Supervisor and seminary DMin professor, I am often shocked by the dismissal from clergy around spirituality and mental health. Also, when I put a book on the Enneagram on my syllabus I was accused of witchcraft! What is even sadder is the stories I hear from patients at the hospital who have suffered greatly at the hands of religious institutions. Thanks for lifting up this important truth!
Thanks for naming this. The church functions too often as a place for "healing laundering"—where people who refuse the call to curiosity and healing for their souls self-medicate with spiritual bypassing and recognition for playing the game within the system.
it starts in bible colleges snd seminary where interior work is not valued. seen pastors that in my corporate job would have never flown by HR for their clear lack of self awareness, oversized egos, and little respect for others.
I grew up in a religious community fixated on external conformity. As a young adult I jumped through religious education hoops in preparation for ministry. I was fortunate to land in a new church in a new town that seemed more liberated. We attended there for 30 years and I was on staff for the last half of that time. But eventually as I dealt with my inner shit, through various means (12 step & enneagram to name 2) that did not receive endorsement from leadership, I realized they were just fixated on different systems (like bypass) to avoid inner work. I was told the enneagram is from the devil. Finding the kind of faith community that embraces the uncertainty of dealing with life in the “oceans” has proved difficult.
Oh, this makes SO much sense. I particularly appreciated the contrasts between ocean and land that you talk about. Our church's focus this fall is on "water," so this really spoke to me.
This is so good and so helpful. A priest once told me that the most psychologically unhealthy people can be found at church. You have hit the proverbial nail on the head. Thank you.
Oh my...you and I are going to get on like a house on fire. I've spent the last 10 years deep diving stuff like this and the last year Substacking it together. Love it.
I’m so glad to read this. You are not alone!
I really appreciate this reminder of the ocean as a symbol of our interior lives. That is a great additional layer to one of my favorite symbolic portrayals of pastoral reformation, John 21:7– “When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tied his outer clothing around him (for he had taken it off) and plunged into the sea.” I may have shared this before, but I love the parallel with your Substack title and the fact that Peter throwing himself into the sea is an allusion to (among other things) Jonah being thrown into the sea. I’ve never thought of that in terms of Peter throwing himself into deeper awareness of his own internal world. As a counselor to pastors, I’m thankful many pastors are doing that work; but it’s not the norm, at least in my cerebral Presbyterian tradition.
I’ve been talking a lot with my spouse about “cerebral faith traditions” and how hard it is to feel valuable in those spaces as a more visceral faith person. Very interesting how academics/seminary has been tied to godliness/ability to preach a Word from God. And it filters down through the congregation as well, the ideology that the well educated are the leaders. Yet academics alone certainly cannot heal and shift our inner workings and thoughts that need refining.
I’m sorry you haven’t experienced belonging as someone with more visceral faith. It seems that the temptation to value the head above the heart is an ancient one: “If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:2).
Thank you for this post. This surface level faith can wear you down after a while when you long to go deeper. You start to get tired of the forms and practices, shallow engagement with others who are there for ‘church’ but not there to go deeper… Doing life, looking into peoples eyes getting to know someone else because they exist and for real fellowship. It’s hard to be faithful to that kind of environment when you aren’t being fed what your soul is really hungry for.
We landed briefly at a church where the people are friendly, sincere, and the pastor articulate. And I said after two years that we needed to leave.
Every Sunday's opening prayer asked for help "setting aside our burdens as we worship you" or "so we can worship you."
Well, when the burden is inside of me, within me, part of me, I cannot set that part of me off to the side. Jesus calls *all* of me into relationship with him.
Our biggest {and by implication, only real, true, most important} problem was already solved (sin, our standing before God), so we didn't need to worry or concern ourselves {much} for any others except witnessing this to our family and neighbors. Again, it was a very nice place. And yet not really a good one. For us anyway.
Every Sunday was agonizing.
Thankfully we are now in a church where, when I ventured to tell the pastor that therapy was helping me to be able to display the fruit of the Spirit more than any Bible verses or prayers had been able to do during this particular time in my life, he said simply, "well, we *are* whole people." I felt supported and understood.
Thank you. You've helped me realise that I can worship Jesus with my burdens and do so in a way that brings me closer to God. It now seems strange to push aside a part of me that is hurting when I could probably get more relief and healing for not pushing them aside! Christian leaders can say some odd things sometimes that seemingly sound good but actually take us away from truth, healing, wholeness.
🎯
The way I have encountered and experienced God most deeply has been in healing from trauma but that inner work is sadly not a priority in many churches I have attended. The focus on behavior is something Jesus called the Pharisees out on, and I think so many people are whitewashed tombs. And it’s actually heartbreaking because there’s so much buried pain that could be a place of intimacy with the Lord and ultimately a place of redemptive hope. I will say that I have also experienced God’s heart through His people who have done that work and know who He is and how to love well. Loving well is delighting in the unique way He wired each of us and not shaming the struggle, but supporting others as they find freedom. He doesn’t want us to be clones but fully alive. Anyway, just processing my journey. Thanks for writing about spiritual abuse and unhealth in the church and putting words to what people are experiencing so they don’t feel crazy.
Is my faith or spirituality a reason not do personal and character development work?
I love this article and what it tries to capture. It reminded me of Peter Scazzero’s story so honestly captured in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Peter was leading a church of 5000 strong and only came to a ‘standstill’ to look at his own character and acknowledge the need for deep personal reflection work, when his wife said to him “I am not leaving you, but I am leaving your church!”.
There are many ways to embark on this character and personal development work. Our Core Leadership development programme is one of the ways we have assisted people from our church in doing this kind of work. Have a look and feel free to drop me a note if you want more info: https://www.strategichumancapital.co.za/images/Case_studies/core%20leadership%20development_2024.pdf
YEP.