“Somehow we American pastors, without really noticing what was happening, got our vocations redefined in the terms of American careerism. We quit thinking of the parish as a location for pastoral spirituality and started thinking of it as an opportunity for advancement. Tarshish, not Nineveh, was the destination.” -Eugene Peterson, Under the Unpredictable Plant
Peterson’s prophetic voice has captured me for years. Today I am a pastor fleeing “Tarshish”—the land of religious careerism and exploitation —because I’ve seen the damage incurred when unchecked ambition gets baptized as Kingdom advancement. I’ve absorbed the ugliness of fear-based leadership and domineering up close. I’ve found myself knee-deep in depersonalized ministry systems, swallowing and endorsing church paradigms that champion the prosperity of the institution at the expense of people. When I saw my own complicity I knew I couldn’t stay and keep my integrity.
I wish I could say that fleeing Tarshish (which in my case includes two church resignations) has been easy, but the losses and betrayals were devastating. My wife KJ and I still traverse the grief—while I continue to wait and discern the contours of my vocation in the years to come.
I hope this periodic newsletter will be a window to that unfolding journey.
Writing has provided an avenue in recent years for me to grapple, as well as offer pastoral presence. Sometimes shepherding looks like advocacy and I imagine these posts will be an extension of how I already engage in the digital space. It will include reflections on pastoral integrity, faith communities, and healing from rupture or abuse. It may take the form of a blog, essay, or poem. Regardless, I am grateful whenever my writing finds resonance with others. And most importantly, I gain so much from the community here!
I pray this newsletter will be one more space you find encouragement, solidarity, and hope as you journey with Jesus.
Thanks for stopping by!
Ryan
Grateful for you sharing your experience, Ryan. I've got my walking stick in hand and hope to keep up with you along in the journey.
This is a prophetic expose' of much that passes for ministry, and I commend you for seeking to live true to it. I am seeking to live true to legitimate pastoral values too. :" I’ve found myself knee-deep in depersonalized ministry systems, swallowing and endorsing church paradigms that champion the prosperity of the institution at the expense of people. When I saw my own complicity I knew I couldn’t stay and keep my integrity."