Thank you for naming that phenomenon. The flip side of exile is always a group/institution maintaining an illusion of community through silence, confusion, and fear.
Once again, Ryan, your reflections are ones I so resonate with. Thank you for having the courage to continue to bring this very real crisis in the church to light. I appreciate it so much.
I just found your newsletter today, and I've been reading every post in order from the start. Thank you for each one but especially for this one. Those questions at the beginning...I didn't realize I was allowed to ask them. I was one who left, and toxic though it was, I've grieved deeply the loss of what I thought I'd had. Maybe I was only loved for what I could do/contribute, because when I was in need and hurting, the response was mostly crickets from those who carried the the role of shepherds. Thank you for the shepherdly tone of this piece.
Thank you for sharing this post (along with each of your other posts).
I appreciated that you used the word "community"/ village rather than "family". There are articles and churches that refer to the gathering together of Christians as family. Some of them expect a loyalty to the church family that isn't always healthy (imho). Plus some believers grew up in family situations that included abuse, abandonment, difficult break marital break ups etc. (Ditto for some marriage relationships). For anyone that has experienced those type of circumstances , the use of "family" isn't necessarily great. I far prefer the word "community" especially as you described it in this post.
Thank you for this beautiful articulation of what's happening in many churches today. I so appreciate your courage to speak truth to power. Your words here are healing to read!
"What we expected and did not receive." Hmh. We have had great experiences with this, several times in our lives, family and church family. For me, not having expectations keeps me from hurting each time I dare reach out or venture into a new church to try. Or visiting in laws who remain cold. Years of inner turmoil and sadness and not understanding why. The grief is too hard to bear.
Thank you for naming that phenomenon. The flip side of exile is always a group/institution maintaining an illusion of community through silence, confusion, and fear.
I really love the excerpt you included at the end. We really do need villages like that to surround us.
Once again, Ryan, your reflections are ones I so resonate with. Thank you for having the courage to continue to bring this very real crisis in the church to light. I appreciate it so much.
You put words to the pain my husband and I have suffered. Thank you! It helps.
“She carries a scar, but her soul is intact. Her village could see her value and helped her to remember her essence.”
Gosh. This.
I just found your newsletter today, and I've been reading every post in order from the start. Thank you for each one but especially for this one. Those questions at the beginning...I didn't realize I was allowed to ask them. I was one who left, and toxic though it was, I've grieved deeply the loss of what I thought I'd had. Maybe I was only loved for what I could do/contribute, because when I was in need and hurting, the response was mostly crickets from those who carried the the role of shepherds. Thank you for the shepherdly tone of this piece.
Thank you for sharing this post (along with each of your other posts).
I appreciated that you used the word "community"/ village rather than "family". There are articles and churches that refer to the gathering together of Christians as family. Some of them expect a loyalty to the church family that isn't always healthy (imho). Plus some believers grew up in family situations that included abuse, abandonment, difficult break marital break ups etc. (Ditto for some marriage relationships). For anyone that has experienced those type of circumstances , the use of "family" isn't necessarily great. I far prefer the word "community" especially as you described it in this post.
Thank you for this beautiful articulation of what's happening in many churches today. I so appreciate your courage to speak truth to power. Your words here are healing to read!
"What we expected and did not receive." Hmh. We have had great experiences with this, several times in our lives, family and church family. For me, not having expectations keeps me from hurting each time I dare reach out or venture into a new church to try. Or visiting in laws who remain cold. Years of inner turmoil and sadness and not understanding why. The grief is too hard to bear.
Ryan, this is so pastoral. Thank you.
Whew! So, so good.